How to Keep Screwing When you Die. . .
Just when we thought it couldn’t get any stranger, we at My Funky Funeral came across a website offering 4 new and exciting things to do with your ashes when you bite the dust. We were quite excited, and yes, maybe even a bit dumbfounded by some of these options, however, after carefully scrutinizing the site we realized that it was a hoax (see the disclaimer at the bottom of the page). The ideas were so interesting though, that we decided to post them on our blog anyway:
After posing the question: “Do you want to be stuffed in one of these when your time is up…
….and take the risk of being dug up one day to make room for a new Interstate Highway?”
Don Bull and Don Murray of Bullworks.net reassure us that “Now (we) have choices…” and offer us “a once in a lifetime chance” to turn our ashes into one of the following inanimate objects:
Cork Screw: How to Screw Forever
Preserve your bones forever as…you guessed it…a corkscrew! Not only can you keep on screwing, you can continue to be useful to your loved ones by helping them open that all important bottle of wine. The makers suggest additional options, such as mounting locks of your hair on the end of the handle for the brush, or mounting one of your teeth in the handle to be used as a foil cutter.
Snow Globe: Shaken not Stirred
It may not snow in heaven, but you are now able to spend eternity snowing on yourself in your own personal Globe of Heavenly Tears. A small monument or picture of yourself will be mounted inside the globe, allong with a portion of your ashes. At an additional cost you may include water from your favourite lake, a music box in the base, or an illuminated globe. For those living in colder climates, you may pay extra to treat the globe with an antifreeze mixture (not to worry about your uncle Billy who likes to hit the sauce, non-alcoholic antifreeze is available upon request!).
Hourglasses: Time Keeps on Ticking
Be a constant reminder to your loved ones of their impeding doom by having your ashes placed into an hourglass. You can even have your ashes coloured and “leave something special for your granchildren”.
Get Leathered: How to Save your Own Hide
Last but not least, be a comfort to your family after you die. That’s right my friends, the two Dons will turn your hide into a chair! Let’s hope the family dog doesn’t have a problem with chewing on the furniture!
Disclaimer: Any resemblance of anything on this webpage to other known symbols or ideas is purely coincidental. Investors must be of sound mind and understand that this whole offering may be a hoax.
Dig your way back to the Main Blog or check out My Funky Funeral’s homepage!