Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

For those of you who know that Karma will eventually catch up with you, and the Gates of Hell are awaiting your arrival, need fear no more.

Sunday, May 25th, 2008

Even the biggest sinners among us are now being given the opportunity to enter those Pearly Gates after all.

The website Reserve a Spot in Heaven will do just as it says. You can choose between the Essential Travel Kit for $13 or shell out $16 for a VIP pass that will “grant you access to exclusive areas where all the elite get together and kick it”.

And there’s no catch. It’s guaranteed - if you don’t get in to heaven you’ll get a full refund, no questions asked…

mba0693l.jpg

We at MFF feel one hell of a lot Karma now!

The Paradox of Life

Thursday, May 1st, 2008

Written by George Carlin after his wife died:

NOTE**** This was apparently not written by George Carlin at all. We still like what is said though so we’ve decided to keep it up. Sorry George for miss-quoting you!

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller
buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways,
but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have
less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge,
but less good judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine,
but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much and spend too recklessly,
laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little,
watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We’ve added years to life not life to years.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble
crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outerspace but not inner space.

We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information,
to produce more copies than ever, but
we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character, steep profits and shallow
relationships.

These are the days of two incomes
but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway
morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills
that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and
nothing in the stockroom.

A time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose either to
share this insight, or to just hit delete…

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up
to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow
up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you,
because that is the only treasure you can give
with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner
and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.

A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt
when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday
that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak!

And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

Randy Pausch - his final lecture

Monday, March 10th, 2008

Take time out to watch this. It’s worth every minute.

Dig your way back to the Main Blog or check out My Funky Funeral’s homepage!

Death of Doughboy

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

Death of Doughboy
- uknown author

It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:

Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillbury spokesman. The Pillsbury doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours. As long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very “smart cookie,” wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.

doughboy.jpg

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Sir Heath

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

I usually find writing blogs for MFF a walk in the park. Some may criticize our site for finding the comedy in death and for encouraging people to “punctuate their life with a smile”. But it’s hard not too find a sense of humour when there is so many trends out there to brighten up the darker side of death. And so far the famous people we have wrote about, for the most part, have lived exciting, fulfilling and rather lengthy lives.

Yesterday however, I was lost for words.

The world was not ready to lose this talented, shy, modest, beautiful young man, to what was probably some freak accident.

As much as it pains me to say, heaven did not deserve him yet.

One of many favourite Heath scenes.

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Climb Every Mountain

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

This week we heard that the great Edmund Hillary died at the age of 88. Hillary became a hero because he and his partner were the first men to step on the Earth’s highest peak, Mount Everest, in 1953.

edmund hillary

We know little about the man after this first step for mankind, but let it be known that his heroism continued throughout his life. For many years, Sir Edmund was president of New Zealand’s Peace Corps, and an important voice in his country’s conservation efforts. He never ran for public office, but was a frequent critic of New Zealand’s Government, calling for antipollution and other measures to improve the quality of life.

In his 1999 autobiography, View from the Summit, Hillary wrote of his wish to be cremated and his ashes scattered at sea.

When climbers die on a mountain, the understandable reaction of family and friends is to say that they died doing what they enjoyed most and their bodies rest on the mountains they loved,” he wrote.

However, I’ve never had any desire to end my days at the bottom of a deep crevasse - I’ve been down too many of them for that to have much appeal.

I’m a somewhat fearful person and would prefer to go peacefully if that were possible.

I should even like my ashes to be spread on the beautiful waters of Auckland’s Hauraki Gulf to be washed gently ashore, maybe on the many pleasant beaches near the place where I was born.

Then the full circle of my life will be complete.”

Let’s see if his wishes are fulfilled.

Sir Edmund, MFF have taken the liberty of choosing your funeral song for you. Climb in Peace friend!

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Kitschmas Presents

Sunday, December 9th, 2007

Wondering what to buy the Christian who has everything, for Christmas? Well the Satirical Christian website The Ship of Fools has some ideas that may trip your trigger.

In their 12 Days of Kitschmas, they have come up with some hilarious gifts to raise an eyebrow on Christmas morning.

From a calendar showing scantily dressed models posing with coffins.

coffincalendar

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ITS BETTER IN THE BAHAMAS

Sunday, December 2nd, 2007

showing inbahamas

Here in the Bahamas we like to believe that we have it pretty good - sun, sand, sea …and extremely funky funeral showings…

Who says you have to be lying down when your guests and loved ones come to visit?

bahamianshowing

Rest in Peace friend.

Dig your way back to the Main Blog or check out My Funky Funeral’s homepage!

Aerial Scattering - Your Final Skydive

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

There is a plethora of things that can be done with your ashes these days.

Urns now come in all shapes and sizes, but would you really like to be left on the shelf and then eventually be moved to the attic where you’ll be forgotten by generations along the line?

Some may find an ash scattering far more dignified, but an article in The Denver Post has recently informed it’s readers that memorials, ash scatterings and shrines to loved ones are violating wilderness protection rules, and are therefore being removed.

ash scattering colorado

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Stripteases at Chinese Funerals - Sort of Trumps the Eulogy

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

Looks like strippers are beginning to replace the fine art of pole dancing with casket dancing in China!

According to the Shanghai Daily, it is common practice in Donghai (insert lame joke here) to have women perform stripteases at funerals. Locals believe that the greater the number of mourners at your final send off, the greater your worth.

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