According to one of his daughters, when on his death bed, Bob Hope was asked where he would like to be buried; the comedian raised an eyebrow and simply answered, “Surprise me.”

Want the last words of someone famous quoted at your funeral? Make a note of it in your own Funeral Plan.

Last words of some poor souls on the brink of execution…

• When asked for any last requests whilst faced with the firing squad, James Rogers replied, “Why, yes! A bullet proof vest,”

• George Appel, just before he was executed in electric chair.
  “Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.”

• “How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? French fries”.
  James French, executed in electric chair in Oklahoma.

• “Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around.”
  Carl Panzram, executed by hanging Leavenworth, Kansas.

• “Remember, the death penalty is murder.”
  Robert Drew

• “I’d rather be fishing.”
  Jimmy Glass

• “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.”
  Thomas J. Grasso, when asked about his last meal.

• “Lock and load. Let’s do it.”
  G. W. Green. Executed by injection, Texas.

• “You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper.”
  Robert Alton Harris

• “I am innocent, innocent, innocent. Make no mistake about this. I owe society nothing. I am an innocent man and something very wrong is taking place tonight.”
  Lionel Herrera

• “Such is life,”
  Ned Kelly

• “Monsieur, I beg your pardon.” 
  Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, spoken to the executioner, after she stepped on his foot.

• “Today is a good day to die. I forgive all of you. I hope God does too.”
  Mario Benjamin Murphy

• “Shoot straight you bastards and don’t make a mess of it!”       
  Harry Harbord “Breaker” Morant, executed by firing squad.

• “Capital punishment … them without the capital get the punishment.”
  John Spenkelink.

Last words of the more law-abiding, famous and notorious…

• “Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.”
  Oscar Wilde, writer

• “Die, my dear doctor? That is the last thing I shall do.”
  Lord Palmerston

•  “Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.”
   John Barrymore, actor

•  “Now comes the mystery.”
   Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist

•  “I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.”
   Humphrey Bogart, actor

•  “I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room – and God damn it – died in a hotel room.”
  Eugene O’Neill, writer

• “Am I dying or is this my birthday?”
  Lady Nancy Astor, when she woke briefly and found herself surrounded by her family.

• “Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I’m happy.”
   Ethel Barrymore, actress

• “Don’t let poor Nelly (his mistress, Nell Gwynne) starve.”
  Charles II, King of England and Scotland

• “It is very beautiful over there.”
  Thomas Alva Edison, inventor

• “Get my swan costume ready.”
  Anna Pavlova, ballerina

•  “Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!”
  Florenz Ziegfeld, showman

..from China to Ghana, from Tibet to the highlands of Scotland and you’ll see that the celebration of life and the rituals of death, past and present, vary considerably. Below are some of our favourites.

Want a custom to reflect how you lived your life during your funeral? Make a note of it in your own Funeral Plan.

• Every year 5000 floral wreaths are placed on the tombstones at Arlington Cemetery, as a reminder of the sacrifices American soldiers have made for their country.

• • • In Northern Vietnam the deceased are buried in the land in which they lived. They will generally be laid to rest in the middle of a rice paddy. After two years, the deceased’s family will dig up the body, clean all of the bones, and then re-bury the body in the family garden.

• • The Austrian village of Hallstatt is located between a mountain and lake, so therefore has very limited burial space. To solve this problem they would allow for the remains of their dead to lie in the cemetery for 12 years only. When the time was up the bones would be exhumed and moved to a charnel, but the skull would be kept. It would be tastefully decorated with the name of the deceased, a cross and plants. It would then be displayed in a chapel. Although cremation has now been allowed in the village this custom still takes place.

• In parts of China, it’s believed that the more people that attend your funeral, the more luck will be bestowed upon your relatives. Therefore, to attract more ‘mourners’, strippers have fast become an integral part of an after tears party. Needless to say, men turn up to these functions by the truck load.

• In Ghana, fantasy coffins are rapidly becoming the final resting place. These caskets are apparently designed to reflect the way the deceased lived his or her life. Thus, coffins are carved into everything from airplanes and motor cars to cigarettes and bottles of beer.

• In the Scottish highlands the deceased would be buried with a small amount of salt and soil placed on their chest. The soil implied that the body decays and becomes one with the earth. The salt, however, represents the soul and like the soul does not decay and die.

• • Buddhists in Tibet believe that when a person dies the soul leaves the body so there really is no need to keep the empty vessel. Therefore, the body is given back to the land in the form of Tibetan sky ritual (or Excarnation). The procedure takes place on a large flat rock in a specific location. A monk and several rogyapas (body breakers) will dismember the body, grind down the bones and flesh and then feed it to vultures. This ritual may seem, to some, as a brutal way of treating your loved one but it really isn’t. In Buddhism, vultures are redeemed as  sacred animals because they do not kill and instead simply accept what comes their way – so the Tibetans believe that they are quite simply sustaining life. Moreover, because the terrain in Tibet is so hard, burials are almost impossible so it really is considered to be a practical way to dispose of the dead.

• In ancient Rome, when someone was on their death bed, the eldest male relative would lean in close, inhale and catch the last breath of the dying person.

• According to the great Greek historian Herodotus, the Calatians ate their dead. It was thought to be the family’s sacred duty. Queen Artemisia apparently mixed the ashes of her lover with wine and drank it.

• Even now certain African tribes grind the bones of their loved ones and mix them with food.

• Other African tribes would fire spears and arrows into the air, to ward off evil spirits that may be hovering over their dead. Nowadays, the ritual of firing a rifle over the deceased mirrors this age old practice.

• Some cultures would go a step further to demonstrate respect for their dead. People would mutilate themselves by cutting off fingers and toes.

• Years ago in Japan, if a nobleman died, twenty to thirty slaves were made to commit Hari-Kiri (belly cutting) in respect for him. Moreover in Fiji, friends, wives and slaves of the deceased would be strangled in his honour.

• In Hindu India, a widow was considered vulgar and useless without her husband, therefore she was expected to lie by his side and be cremated alive. This ritual, Sati, was believed to purify the widow and give her free passage to Heaven. Although Sati was abolished in 1829 there have been numerous cases since. Even as recent as 1981 an eighteen year old widow was a victim of the custom. Whether it was voluntary or she was forced to do it is still unknown.

• Today, Hindus from all over the world will make their final pilgramage to die in the city of Banaras, on the Ganges river. It is believed that dying here will help break the cycle of death and re-birth, and will allow the soul to ascend to the world of the ancestors – Pitriloka. Over 80 funeral pyres lie along the Ganges, so that the dead may be cremated. Often times, people are unable to cremate their loved ones and will simply float the dead body down the river.

• In many cultures men and women have been treated differently after they have passed away. The Ghonds buried their women but cremated their men. The Bongas buried their men with their faces to the North and their women to the South. The Cochieans buried their women but suspended their men from trees.

• In the Jewish religion, mourners will take part in a grieving process known as sitting Shiva. Immediately after burial, friends and family of the deceased will go to the Shiva house where they will mourn for 7 days. Here, they sit as low to the floor as possible as a sign of their grief. All mirrors are covered so that they may concentrate on the reality of being a soul and ignore their own physicality. A candle representing the soul of the deceased will burn throughout the 7 days.

• Who needs fertility drugs when you have a death shroud? In Madagascar, people dig up their dead relatives for a ceremony called famadihana. They parade the bones around the village and then bury the remains in a new shroud. The old shroud is given to childless newlyweds who place it on their bed.

…but then again a few too many to mention! We doubt the following stars would regret how their death reflected the way they lived their life.

Want something special written on your headstone, or have a particular “hearse” in mind? Make a note of it in your own Funeral Plan.

 

• Founder of the Body Shop Anita Roddick, who died last year, opted for a camper van to be used as her hearse. Peace out sista!

 

• “The best is yet to come”
  The epitaph on Frank Sinatra’s headstone.

• What’s inside Frank Sinatra’s coffin? The question has caused quite a lot of gossip and speculation over the years. Family and friends were reported to have put Tootsie Rolls and Life Saver candies, chewing gum, a mini bottle of Jack Daniels, a pack of camel lights and a Zippo lighter, in with Ole Blue Eyes. Ten dimes were also placed in the casket, just in case he needed to make an emergency call!

• Keith Richards, of Rolling Stones fame, has recently admitted to snorting his late father’s ashes with a couple of lines of cocaine. He later retracted the claim but we tend to believe his original line … only he nose!

• Playboy founder Hugh Hefner has bought a plot next to Marilyn Monroe. He says that he wants to be buried next to the most beautiful woman that ever lived.

• According to one of his daughters, when on his death bed, Bob Hope was asked where he would like to be buried. The comedian raised an eyebrow and answered, “Surprise me.”

• “He would have wanted it that way,” were the words used by ‘revellers’ to justify the shenanigans at Punk rocker GG Allin’s funeral. He was buried in a leather jacket and jock strap that said “Eat me”. He had a microphone in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. During his wake, when his guests ran out of alcohol, they simply helped themselves to the bottle in his casket. Women were said to have placed their panties on his face, had their photos taken with him and played with a certain part of his anatomy. A shameless way to treat a stiff…

• “I told you I was ill.”
  The words inscribed on Spike Milligan’s tombstone.

• “Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m free at last.”
  The words inscribed on Martin Luther King’s tombstone.

• James Brown, who died on Christmas Day 2006, insisted on being laid to rest in a 24 Karat gold coffin. Apparently it made him feel good…

  

 

• After her death in 1952, Evita’s embalmed body went mysteriously missing for 16 years. It was eventually discovered in a crypt in Italy, under the name “Maria Maggi.” During those sixteen years it appears that the body had quite an adventure. It was owned by a military official, took a bizarre tour around Europe, was damaged by a hammer and many wax copies were made of it. One official was said to have had sex with one copy of the corpse.

• “Don’t cry for me, Argentina, I remain very near to you,” are the words inscribed on Evita’s tomb figure

• Although the Elvis Presley’s undertaker didn’t want anything to be placed in the coffin with him, for fear of theft, he did actually allow Lisa Marie to place a small bracelet on her father’s wrist. The bracelet was covered by the king’s sleeve so nobody could see it.

• Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols wanted his ashes to be put with his late soul-mate Nancy. Instead his request never came to pass, as his mother accidentally dropped them on the runway of Heathrow airport.

• Queen Victoria wanted to feel close to her long-dead husband while being laid to rest. She insisted on being buried with Prince Albert’s bathrobe, and a plaster cast of his hand.

• “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.” Albert Einstein left behind many memorable quotes upon his death, but unfortunately no one knows what is final words were. The nurse at his bedside did not speak German so his words died with him! He probably chose that moment to reveal the secret of life….

 

• Who better to sing at Pavarotti’s funeral than the late tenor himself? A recording of Pavarotti and his father singing “Panis Angelicus” filled his hometown cathedral as the mourners were led out.

 

 

 

 

Your Funeral Song >Eulogies

 

 

 

 

Free Hugs Campaign with Music by Sick Puppies. Everyone needs a hug sometimes!

You must download iTunes if you wish to buy a song

 

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life– Eric Idle
–Listen – Video – Lyrics – Buy –

Amazing Grace – Various Artists
– Listen – Video – Lyrics – Buy –

Angels – Robbie Williams
– Listen – Video – Lyrics – Buy –

Another One Bites the Dust – Queen
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Bittersweet Symphony – The Verve
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Break on Through (To The Other Side) – The Doors
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Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon and Garfunkle
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Candle in the Wind – Elton John
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Coming Around Again – Carly Simon
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The Dance – Garth Brooks
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Don’t Fear the Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult
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Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin
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Dream a Little Dream – The Beautiful South
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Drugs Don’t Work – The Verve
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Endless Love – Dianna Ross and Lionel Richie NEW!
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Everybody Hurts – R.E.M
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Fly – Céline Dion NEW!
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The Freshman – Verve Pipe
– Listen – Video – Lyrics – (unavailable to buy)

Going Underground – The Jam
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Gone Too Soon – Michael Jackson
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Goodbye My Friend – Linda Rondstadt
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Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt
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Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) – Greenday
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Green Green Grass of Home – Tom Jones
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Hero – Mariah Carey NEW!
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Highway to Hell – AC/DC
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I Am Sailing – Rod Stuart
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I Can See Clearly Now –Various Artists
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I’ll Put You Together – Hot Chocolate
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Imagine – John Lennon
– Listen – Video – Lyrics – (unavailable to buy)

Innocent When You Dream – Tom Waits
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I Will Follow You Into The Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
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I Wish (Remix) – R. Kelly
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Let it Be – The Beatles
– Listen – Video – Lyrics – (unavailable for download)

Mad World – Gary Jules
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Maybe I don’t Really Want to Know – OASIS
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My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
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My Way – Frank Sinatra
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No Woman No Cry – Bob Marley
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Oom-Pah-Pah – From “Oliver”
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Please Release Me Let Me Go – Engelbert Humperdink
– Listen – Video – Lyrics – (unavailable to buy)

The Promise – Tracey Chapman
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Show Must Go On –Queen
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Simply the Best –Tina Turner
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Smile –Tony Bennett
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Somewhere Over the Rainbow – Various Artists
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Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World – Iserael Kamakawiwo’Ole
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Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin
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The Storm is Over Now – R. Kelly
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Tears In Heaven – Eric Clapton
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There You’ll Be – Faith Hill
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There’s a Place for Us – Various Artists
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This Old Heart of Mine – The Isley Brothers
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Time to Say Goodbye – Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli
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Together Again – Janet Jackson
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Unchained Melody – The Righteous Brothers
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What A Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong
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Who Wants to Live Forever? – Queen
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Wings of Grace – Santana
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Wish you Were Here – Pink Floyd
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With or Without You – U2
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You’ll Never Walk Alone – Judy Garland
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You’re Near – Amy Helmuth NEW!
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You Sexy Thing – Hot Chocolate
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Like coffins, urns are also becoming funkier and more varied in design. It’s possible to have all shapes and sizes. Before you check out the following designs, it’s worth remembering that there’s nothing stopping you from simply making a note  of a container that may have sentimental value to you, to be used as your urn. Containers such as a jewellery box, teapot, or even  a can of beer may be more appropriate!!!

Have an urn in mind for the ultimate celebration of your life? Then make a note of it in your very own Funeral Plan.

 

Beam Me up Scotty
Trekkies can now rejoice! CBS has issued a licence to a funeral products company to help STAR TREK fans be beamed into the afterlife. To date Eternal Image has developed an urn that is
”reminiscent of the 24th century styling of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet”. (available mid 2008)

It just keep getting better and better!

For a truly unique and exciting collection of urns check out the Memorial Gallery. From extraordinary urns to plantable memorials there’s something for everyone.

Because we all deserve one final ride
A company called, ‘Final Ride Products’ decided that just because you died doesn’t mean you can’t ride anymore.They offer an urn designed to be mounted to a motorcycle. Now your cremains can enjoy the freedom of the ride practically forever.

Why be dull?
Tracey Williams, an artist of 20 years, has developed these playful and quirky papier mâché urns to trip your trigger.

Feeling Festive?

If Christmas was your favourite time of year who says that you can’t have your ashes placed in Santa’s Sack, and brought out each year to join in the festivities with your loved ones?

Hanging out at Christmas
In The Light Urns offer an Angel of Love Ornament Keepsake Urn made of porcelain with a silver teardrop. This can be filled with cremains, a lock of hair, fur from your loved pet, or crushed flowers. A beautiful way to remember a loved one at the holidays, and beyond.

Back to Earth
The Shell Urn, from Earth Urns, is engineered to float for approximately 5 minutes on the ocean. It then descends gracefully and biodegrades naturally on the ocean floor.

Why Be Dull?
“If you’re going to spend an eternity sitting on a mantel, you’ll want to make a great impression,” is the catchphrase of Vintage Urns. Bert and Bud the creators of the business, custom-design urns for both theflamboyant and simple palette.

When they just can’t let go…
When a loved one wants to keep you close to their heart and even in their bed, it’s possible to have your ashes placed in a teddy bear.Huggable Urns have some adorable bears and keepsakes on offer.

Who are you wearing?
If you want to be that noose around your loved one’s neck forever, a company, called In the Light, offers some cool and reasonably priced blown-glass pendent and necklace urns. The same company holds Motorcycle, Military and even Christmas tree ornament-type urns.

The art of dying
For the thespians among us, it’s worth checking out the arty futuristic urns at Concentric Rings. This company really are pushing the funky urn-envelope with their awesome pieces.

Down to earth?
If you are a looking for a more practical type of resting place ponder urns at Urns Mart. This company offers clocks, picture frames and even bowling pins as the keeper of your ashes.

Share the love …
An idea we like, is for your ashes to be placed in several tiny vials and to be given out to your friends and family. Your loved ones can then go forth and scatter your remains in special places you may have shared. Nice… On the other hand, however, you could have your remains placed in an eight ball and your loved ones can continue to pester you with ridiculous questions…

Urns Do It Yourself Style
There’s nothing stopping you from coming up with your own container for your ashes to reside in. A favourite handbag, boot, ornament or even a bottle of your favourite tipple can reflect your personality just as well!

Going Green…
For those who want their ashes to be placed in a more ecofriendly container, the Ecopod’s Acorn Urn is perfect!

Sexual healing?
Yes, alas, it has come to our attention that in the future, wives (or even husbands for that matter) may be able to have their partner’s ashes packed into a vibrater for their everlasting pleasure. Hmmm…Watch this space…

Due to factors such as expense and space, more people are opting to be cremated these days. Ashes are then being scattered, buried or kept in more ways than you can imagine…

Have an idea about how you would want your ashes to be scattered? Then make a note of it in your very own Funeral Plan.

Underwater Heaven
The Neptune Society, off the coast of Miami, Florida, have almost completed an amazing underwater memorial. “The City of Eternity”  will be a huge man made reef where urns, statues and keepsakes can be laid to rest in your memory.

“mASHterpiece” Paintings

The Art in Ashes Oil Painting is made by the world famous artist Mona. Mona will take some of the ashes of your loved one and work them into one of her famous art pieces, these masterpieces are called “Art in Ashes”.

 

Going out with a bang?
Heavens Above Fireworks will pack your ashes into fireworks and then organise a remarkable firework display in your memory.

Flying High
Rather than spreading a loved ones ashes by foot, or even place them on the mantel, Air Legacy offers a more dignified way to go. The company offers ash scattering from an aircraft, covering areas such as Colarado, Kansas, Wyoming and Nebraska.

 

Something for the Garden?
A new idea that seems to be cultivating these days, is to have your ashes made into something that can take pride of place in your garden. Cremation Solutions offers the opportunity of having your ashes placed inside an urn that converts into an attractive birdhouse. “As birds come and go with the seasons and build their nest in these sacred vessels and raise their young and so on, the cycle of life continues”

 

 

Chew on this…
Product designer Nadine Jarvis recently came up the fascinating idea of turning one’s ashes into pencils. Apparently 240 pencils can be made out of one person’s remains. As always, we at My Funky Funeral love any idea that thinks “out of the box”, and this one really does put lead in our pencil!

Beam me up Scotty!
Yes ’tis true, if you’ve got the readies, then like Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek, and James Doohan AKA ‘Scotty’, you too can have your ashes launched into space. The company Celestis offer memorial space flights that will release a portion of your ashes to orbit the earth, or will simply take your ashes on a mission that will return them to earth afterwards. Moreover, this unique company offer a Name the Star service to compliment the mission. Proving that life long dreams can be fulfilled even in death!

‘Ashes to … portraits’?
Starry Starry Nights it aint, but it is possible to have your portrait painted with a mixture of paint and your ashes. A great, visual way for your loved ones to remember you? We’ll let you make up your own mind.

It’s raining you.
A company called Eternal Ascent will place your ashes in a biodegradable balloon that is released into the air. It eventually pops and your ashes are dispersed.

Taking the plunge?
If you like the thought of people going down on you, then Eternal Reefs will mix your ashes with cement to form an awesome artificial reef! The reef ball will then be placed on the ocean floor to create a dynamic new reef. Family and friends can participate in the casting of the reef and can later dive these reefs.

Diamonds last forever?
LifeGem offer to turn your ashes into diamonds. Puts a whole new meaning to the question who are you wearing this evening?

Your time?
LegaSEA is another up and coming company who offers to create an attractive urn that doubles as a time capsule. The capsule will be filled with your ashes, along with important keepsakes and then placed on the ocean floor.

Coffins are beginning to have personalities of their own, allowing for the centrepiece of your funeral to make a fantastic statement. Below are some of the more avant-garde examples for you to ponder whilst planning a funeral…

Have a coffin in mind for the ultimate celebration of your life? Then make a note of it in your very own Funeral Plan.

The FUN in Funeral!
If you want to encourage some uplifting laughter at your funeral, check out Crazy Coffins. From caskets resembling skateboards to boats, from cricket wickets to ballet shoes, this company truly has their finger on the pulse of the funky funeral business.

Coffin Table
Coffin It Up offer a variety of coffin type furniture pieces. We particulary like the pre-need coffin that can be used as a display case or coffee table until it’s needed. Why not get the most out of your investment!

Cheap, Cheerful and Chic.
Cheap and cheerful coffins are not to be frowned upon anymore. Under the earthbeds™ label you’ll
find burial vessels that are less harmful to the environment. These caskets are made from 100% recycled cardboard.They are strong and reliable while being gentle to the Earth.

Don’t be caught dead without one’
Bert and Bud of Vintage Coffins have done it again with this toe pinching black gothic piece. The coffin doubles as an open cabinet, with glass shelves for your crystal ware or other precious objects.

‘Going’ Green.
The trend to die responsibly is steadily increasing these days, thanks to super chic coffins like the Ecopod. Not only is this coffin 100% environmentally friendly, but is shaped like a seed pod to symbolically show the process of regeneration and re-birth. The company’s Acorn Urn only goes to compliment the Ecopod. Kudos to Hazel.

An awesome trek?
Check out the handmade, classy Cocoon coffin designed by the German company UONO. This environmentally friendly ‘trekkie transporter’ may cost a buck or two, but perfect if you want to go out in real style.

The dead fashionable designer coffin
Colourful and personalised caskets are becoming more popular these days. People are choosing coffins with designs such as flags, football emblems, religious and animation scenes. Oxford Coffins has an excellent range on offer.

The Art of Dying
A company called Dying Art have some very tasteful coffin designs on offer. Their philosophy is “to celebrate what is loved about us by imagery on the surface of the casket.”

Cheap and cheerful?
Cardboard coffins are also becoming popular these days. Not only can you paint these sturdy caskets but they are biodegradable and cheap. Money you save on the coffin can may be go behind the bar at your ‘after tears’ party. Other biodegradable coffins such as bamboo, wicker and papier-mâché, are also becoming more popular, as environmentally friendly alternatives to the rainforest-destroying traditional mahogany. Family and friends can even sign the papier-mâché ones.

A shroud …the last thing you’ll wear?
Surprisingly, it is not against the law to forfeit a coffin and go for a simple shroud. People who have environmental concerns are tending to find this option more attractive. A company called Kinkaraco offers a range of biodegradable shrouds.

DIY
Yep, more and more people are going to such lengths as to make and decorate their own coffin or shroud ready for their big day. And why not make your final resting place just right inside and out, and simultaneously save on your funeral costs? Some families have been known to make the coffin for the loved one themselves after their death. Make sure however, if you want this, your family and friends are prepared to get their tools out! Check out Out House Charlie a coffin company who offers do-it-yourself coffin kits.

And Finally … Coming to a Graveyard Near You.
Video tombstones have been invented and it’s only a matter of time until graveyards become alive with stories, advice, confessions and memories from beyond the grave. Check out Vidstone and view their sample tombstone vid!